Animá Lifeways & Herbal School

Letter From A Helper

Intro: Today we welcomed the arrival of our newest on-site helpers, Hannah and Fritz, costume maker and circus master, students of self sufficiency, interesting and darn nice folks.  And last night, we sadly said our farewells to helper Avraham.  No one coming to assist has yet been more diligent or dependable, focused or grateful, and it was emotional to bid him adieu… as goes on to gather new skills as an EMT, following his heart and calling, taking responsibility for making the choices that will define his destiny.  Below is the text of one of two hand-written letters he left with us upon departure, a blessing shared in the hopes you will find it as moving and hopeful as we did.  We are thankful not just for his assistance on important projects, but for the opportunity to help clarify and affirm – even in smallest measure – what will be his insights into, and gifts to the world.

Dear Wolf

Your home and the people here are some of the greatest things I’ve experienced.  Being here has given me nourishment, contentment, insight and fulfillment.  Coming from a society where a true purpose is hard to find – and opportunities to be appreciated for who you really are, are hard to come by – I feel the greatest love and honor working here doing my daily tasks and knowing that I am a part of something, something great.

Hearing yours and Loba’s stories, seeing Dan’l and Don’s devotion to this place despite their own responsibilities, and listening to Kiva speak for hour to the most minute details of the herbal world, have all been inspiration to me and my calling.

And the land… As dry, rocky, and strange as it may seem to someone who has lived near lush, green wetlands and woodlands his whole life, it has taught me something too. A deeper lesson in who I am for sure, but the experience to go along with it is fortunately unforgettable.

Walking the trails, river-banks and mountainsides has left me feeling the most content, natural and “in place” I’ve ever felt. The law of impermanence has never seemed so real and my attitude towards change has never been so accepting.

There have always been ups and downs for me here as moods tend to sway, especially in circumstances of solitude and introspection. But throughout these moments, whether I was aware of it or not, there has always been harmony for me. Harmony with Anima, harmony with love, harmony with the land, and harmony with you.

And even though we saw very little of each other during my time here, I feel extremely bonded by all that has happened, and have felt deeply the joy of working with you.

When I leave here, I will walk strongly on my path and always remember my brother Wolf.

And to the future I look forward, working with you, and all the others out there trying to make a difference.

May our strength prevail through the darkest of days.  May our work continue to nourish us, and may our gifts and treasures spread like wildfire.

Blessings to you,
Avraham

.

(Post and Forward Freely)

Student Stories:

Tobi’s Essential “Journey Begins” Lessons

Anyone planning to take Anima lifeways or herbal home study would best consider signing up for the introductory “The Journey Begins” course first, a foundational program of self exploratory questions and assignments for implementation.  Defined therein are the principals of Anima, dangerous illusions and pitfalls on the path, and the means for effectively acting to actualize our needs, vision and purpose.  Even those who are focusing on herbal studies find it useful, making the connection between healing others and tending to, growing and healing our selves.  From time to time we ask permission to run responses from students, and below you will find a list of lessons learned that is both as succinct and powerful as any… from the healer Tobi, who heartfully puts into practice everything she learns and makes use of all she discovers. The additional remarks in italics are mine. -Wolf

Dear Wolf-

Your comments were all very helpful, but a few things stand out for me:

- That I can get away from making judgments – thereby removing an either/or I was stuck in – without sacrificing conscious discernment.
(The desire not to be judgmental can result in our being uncomfortable with making distinctions, appraisals, standards, pronouncements and decisions… especially in regards to other folks.  And yet, it is the work of deeply caring people that can most benefit from discernment, distinctions and decisiveness.)

- That social and environmental justice issues are not US vs THEM… but are simply standing up for what’s worth standing up for.  This really helps with yet another either/or situation I’d set up in my mind.
(It’s important not to let our desire to avoid conflict stop us from assigning responsibility to perpetrators, or from assertively confronting whatever threatens what we value most.  It’s wrong to think of people in black and white terms, as wholly good or evil, but this is all the more reason for us to distinguish harmful policies and actions and do what we can to forcefully stop or transform them.)

- Again with social justice issues, that I act from a place of considered necessity, not anger.
(This is crucial, whether imposing consequences on a young child for misdeeds, defending oneself against an attacker, or standing up for life and freedom against intolerable injustice.  Anger is bitter, whereas we act because we care.  And it is punitive, while even our strongest responses are intended to remedy not punish.)

- Be ready and willing in spite of incomplete preparation and in the face of appropriate fear.  YES!!!  This is extremely helpful with the very subtle puritanical thinking that I believe holds me back in many ways.  So recognize that I may be incompletely prepared and scared, and do it anyway.
(The world and the moment’s context are forever changing, and are forever mysterious and unknown if certain ways, therefore one can never be fully prepared… only ready and willing.  And in Anima we make no case for fearlessness.  We teach the value of fear in informing us about obstacles, neurosis and real threats… and the utilization of fear as fuel to act.)

- That leading requires followers – I like this total reframe of stepping into my power and supporting others: “awaken, inform, equip, stir, inspire” – forget about leading!
(Our work is to direct them to their needs, priorities, gifts, skills and callings, so that might find and follow their own particular path rather than trying to copy ours or others.  Gurus and Generals lead; Anima teachers provide perceptual and practical tools with which to find one’s way to authenticity, wholeness and purpose.)

- We need “purposeful disruption” in our lives to help us on our journey.  I like this so much that I have used it with a couple of clients.  I hope I’ll remember it when that purposeful disruption applies to me (and I think I will!).
(Customs and assumptions without the ongoing test of experience turn into increasingly unrelatable and restrictive dogma.  Unconscious acts become habits that aren’t always beneficial.   Endlessly accumulating ideas without the disapproval and rejection of others, without the upsetting of comforting concepts and familiar paradigms, leads to an unactionable morass.)

- Ask for clarification!  DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING!!!  How many times have I heard this, and yet, I keep falling… yes, I know, it’s a process…
(The more we know or are able to accurately intuit, and the more often that we prove right, the more of a challenge it becomes to hear what is meant instead of what we expect.  As we learn to jump further, we do indeed have further to fall… with consequences that we are more painfully aware of than the average.  On the positive side, many of the most powerful insights, lessons and gifts will come not as expected, but as unforeseen surprises.)

- Don’t soften the suggestions I make too much – they lose their power.  This is a very useful suggestion to remember.  How can I be fully in my power, if I soften my words so much that they don’t convey any of that power?  Of course!
(In addition, constantly softened counsel and an even tone fails to communicate the value, import and urgency, relegating our offerings to a single flat plane of undistinguished ideas, filed away rather than processed and acted on.  We know when what we have to give is grounded in truth and earth, usable and valuable, and when its communication and utilization is essential or urgent… let our words and tones impress that, adamantly loving and lovingly adamant.)

There were many more gems, Wolf, but this gives you a good idea… I have taken your words to heart.  Feel free to share them any way you like.  Thank you again, and blessings to you all.

-Tobi

(You are welcome to forward or repost this, and I’m sure Tobi would appreciate reading your comments here)

(For more information on the “Journey Begins” course, go to our HOME STUDY page.  Or click here for a Registration Form to enroll: Home Study Courses Application )

Introduction: A Retreat at the remote Anima Sanctuary in Southwest New Mexico is usually as stirring as comforting, stimulating or encouraging honest self exploration and healthful life changes.  Whether a Study Retreat, Couples Retreat or other focus, time in this magical canyon is inevitably a deepening an opening.  And as our student friend Irene points out in her Retreat account below, a Retreat offers something that is vital for each person to take with them, gifts meant to be put to use enriching their lives long after they’re  back home.  Thank you, Irene, for sharing your photographs and your story. -JWH

MY ANIMA WILDERNESS RETREAT

A PhotoJournal by Irene

My Anima retreat, and my canyon walk, began with the company of a hummingbird sitting on a cottonwood branch next to me, peeping its loving sounds and swaying its gem of a head from side to side. Spontaneously I began to sing: Hummingbird, Hummingbird / Bird of Joy / Picaflor, Picaflor / I love you ..and on and on heartfully improvising. At times, she would look upwards and her red breast would kiss the sun’s rays. She seemed to notice the gentle rattle of falling dried cottonwood leaves. We must have communed together for an intense five minutes. I felt so vulnerable and quivered in happiness to be so close to the bird. I began to worry that maybe it was ill, but that distracting thought soon passed. I realized that it requires a huge degree of trust to be so still in front of another being. Her tiny glimmering eyes brought such joy. When she finally flew away I did not feel my habitual creation of abandonment, but rather,  a source of reassuring presence.

In the canyon wind, I could hear a flute calling ever so slightly. Ocean and wind nearly sound the same. I walked through willow trees lanky and inviting. Nettle patches traced the sandy paths which brought me to grounded attention as I soon discovered beloved rose on the edge of the property by the barbed wire fence. Thorns abounded and buds were ready and three or four in bloom which exuded an aroma that peaked and crescendoed then finished off with an adagio of soft pink and a yellow corolla center and its speckles of orbiting deeper yellow moons. The thorns grabbed fierce hold of my skirt and insisted on presence! And lovingly, I unraveled myself from them thanking their presence provoking brambles of beauty interspersed among tender, hovering willow trees.

Just a few steps from the rose bush,  I notice a nearly decayed carcass surrounded by  a thick circle of willows. The fur tan in color felt somewhat grainy; the type of animal it was once was initially unrecognizable. There were some vertebrae, some stark white, other bones were gray where skin had dried. The fur was rough and a piece of jaw, clearly white and canine lay alongside fur stitched in with bone. It could have been a fox.  This might have been just the place for the vixen to die.

My journey downriver seemed unassuming  at first. Beautiful cottonwoods swayed happily on the banks of the meandering San Francisco river. Then,  the river flowed between stillness and crackling white water at most waist deep but the sound to my mind stirred fear and then longing and a primal sensuality.  Sometimes I did not know where the sensation began or ended.

The rock by the river was a volcanic smooth white stone. I found myself licking and kissing its smoothness and hard surface. Bodies as one, stone and I pledged to melt into one another at that moment…Sun kept us continuously present. I waded into the river, sat on the water coursing rock beds and fell into trance as zebra striped ripples caressed my virgin eyes of a sight / sense never before touched. I attempted to lie on my back in the river and the coldness coursed through me too quickly. I chose to submerse my head; and the river softly pulled my hair downstream like the green goddess algae mane I stroked earlier, a uterine pocket in the current. The algae uterine-like bloom felt like an expanded uterus and vulva which had surrendered to orgasm over a thousand years now and the ecstasy of this seemingly small river exploded into the land and flowed like the ancient lava flows of before. Polywogs of various stages displayed their development proudly from sperm-like motility to a reptilian quadruped swim approaching the stage between land and water. I sat with horsetail, ancient plants which grew in a tiny willow grove – its stalk green in color closer to sky and yellow orange stalk closer to sand. Hairs demarcated its various stages of growth and conelike spires grew at the terminal sky facing end.

I spent three nights in the womb of this very sacred land in the Gila. The silence allowed me to feel and hear the pulsating heart of the earth. I bathed in the moonlight softening my burnt face in the lodge.   Rattlesnake told me to seek shade the first day not only for my tender feet but for my soul as well.  Loba kindly brought me into the present with our walk to the rainwater cistern and her generous offering of her sarong to soothe my feet. I am so grateful  for that moment! I learned to siphon out water and once again, Loba and her meals brought me into the sensual moment.  Watercress, tortillas, monarda pesto, stew, nettles and skillet bread were some of the tastes I will never forget. Rhiannon soft knock at the lodge door in the morning was kind and how she gently hugged me good morning as she gently placed the jars of food on the table was so vividly alive.  I tasted young  monarda  and yarrow leaves  on my solo walks.  The smell of the usnea on fallen juniper seemed like what mother’s milk might smell like: something primordial and familiar.   It has been nearly a year since those moments and the long journey to this magical land still continues in my current home of Brooklyn.

(for more information on Anima N.M. Wilderness Retreats go to the Retreats page of the Website)

To Apply for a Retreat at the Anima School & Sanctuary, Download the Retreats application form:

Retreats

Introduction: Everyone knows that I felt called, destined even, to inhabit this magical Anima Sanctuary in S.W. New Mexico.  If that were not the case, however, I would still be torn about whether or not to have a place in the verdant Pacific Northwest.  The only practical reason not to, would be my seeming need for large of amounts of soul warming sunshine through the long season.  Many people suffer depression or at least melancholy in a condition that use to be called the “Winter Blues”, but that we now refer to as “SAD”.  There are few who have had harder time with it than Resolute, or has done a better job of dealing with it.  As with all ailments, effective treatment begins with our recognizing, admitting and understanding the problem. -Wolf

Ode to Seasonal Affective Disorder:

A Call to Transformation

By Resolute (Anima Council)

I sit with a cup of steaming acorn/pine tea.  A bit of summer in the cup in the form of BeeSweet honey.  Yes, there was a summer.  I know from experience there will be again.  But for now, I am waiting, waiting in the stillness of winter’s sleep.  It happens every year, you know.  The darkness; the days as well as the pall over my moods that follows me through the busyness that civilization lays over the grave of winter’s slumber.  I go through the motions. I smile and laugh; I converse, work and play.  And yet, I reside in stillness.  The quiet. The waiting. There are no stars visible, no moon.  Just a low dense shroud of cloud, dusky gray in the glow from the city lights.  Even here, civilization intrudes.  And I will not let it deter me this time.  I will be still this time. I will wait.

So what is it this year?  What will emerge along with the lengthening days after the slow, somber movement to the depths of the darkness?   I feel it in my bones this season.  Something long buried is waiting to germinate in the rich soil of my psyche.  As the earth shifts, I recognize the shifting inside me.  It hasn’t always been so.  I have only recently come to be acquainted with this person who resides in physical form, allowing my body to interact with the natural world.  But for now, the earth is still. Waiting.  And so I too wait, I am still.  I am silent.

I sip my tea and feel its warmth waken the frozen feelings, a stirring of a primal memory. It settles into my belly, warming, and warmer yet.  I realize that the more time I spend in my body, the more I am comfortable with who I am and what I feel.  And oh! what I feel!  I can feel to dance the light forward, only to be drawn back to the soul suffocating darkness as the sun quickly dims with the passing gray mass of cloud, still low in the sky and gone so soon.  It’s a slow rhythm at first, then a quickening that becomes daily noticeable.  I notice a depth in my spirit that matches the dark, and a bursting forth of energy that rivals the sun!  This is disconcerting, these fits and starts, this new way of being. I embrace myself dearly as I come to hold the dichotomy of darkness and light, the yin and the yang.

The winter is receding.  The cup of tea is almost gone and I savor the sweet dregs. I know that it is time for me to stir.  I uncurl and unfurl from the shroud of silence, the power that has been collecting in me ready to be put to the test.  I speak. The voice is clear and true; it now comes from a place of strength and power in my belly. It is so solid, a foundation as old as the ages. A remembering what I have always known.

And the disconcerting days of being jostled by the vagaries of the season are standing me in good stead as I speak my truth from a place of power.  There are those who recognize the voice and rejoice with me. Others fear it and steer clear. The ones who have not been aware and don’t care for my newfound strength are threatened by the possibility that they too could change. It is easier for them to maintain the status quo. But that is not my path.

As the days of shifting light and dark have prepared me for the shifting reactions to this tensile strength, as I claim my power, I shed the casing of that which would hold me back and step into the light, full face to the sun. No longer muddling through the motions of living, I am this time acting from the fullness of my spirit and the richness of my soul!

(Photo of Resolute & her grandson Gabe by son Michael)

(Share and post freely.  For information on empowering Anima Lifeways teachings, go to the Anima Courses Page)

Introduction: The following is a recounting of the work being done by an Animá lifeways student, enrolled in what is admittedly a grueling Mentorship process. Before progressing with who she wants to be and become, it felt crucial that she first re-explore herself, plumb her needs and vision fully, and let go of whatever no longer serves. The Animá Burden Basket Ceremony is intended for exactly that, not a mere ritual but an actual emptying of even the most vital things in our lives, positive and negative, followed by a conscious re-collection and reintegration of what best serves our authentic selves, feeds our passions and furthers our purpose. If you are interested, we can post a Burden Basket essay here… and in the next couple month an entire 8 week Burden Basket course will be available. Jenna is brave in her changes, and in sharing them here… and I feel certain would appreciate your support and comments here. -JWH

My Burden Basket Ceremony
by Jenna
Animá Shaman Path Student

With my husband recently deceased and my four children grown, married and looking for their own life adventures that bring them happiness, it is my time too to engage in a search — for a way to live my life that expresses my natural rhythms and talents and brings me joy! This quest has led me, in part, to the Animá Center and its Shaman Path, drawn to the Center by the important work being done there and the beauty of the magnificent Gila.

I began my first Burden Basket ceremony at the request of my mentor, Wolf Hardin, who gave me some ceremony materials to read. “Sure!” I thought. “I can do that.” The emptying of a burden basket sounded like fun and I enjoy ritual, so I set aside one whole week-end from Friday night to Monday morning to complete it. But, I discovered the ceremony to be far from fun for the first 48 hours! I kept very still in the beginning, ate little, drank tea, slept, and dreamed a lot. I waited quietly for stuff to come up, and up it came! More than I expected.

I cried a lot during my Burden Basket ceremony and eventually laughed some, too, and emerged more fully aware of the direction I want my life to go as well as what I want to take with me on the journey and what I want to leave behind.

Things I took out, and am leaving out of my basket:

Owning my house – Represents comfort, safety, privacy, peace…but, the payment is so high that I have to work 40 hours per week to pay for it, and really can’t enjoy it that much. Also, it is not in the area where I want to live…I want to step off the grid of suburban life. Plan to rent upstairs – mother-in-law – apartment from my kids if they move here, and sub-let it when I want to travel. This will also cut my payment in half, so I might be able to quit job and live on my husband’s Social Security (higher than mine).
Job – Definitely not what I want to be doing in this last half of my life…done with 9/5 life and doing work that does not tap into my passion and deepest creative urges. I do appreciate this job and the time it afforded me to help my husband die. It also gives me time to move into the next phase of my life without too much stress now that I know the processes of proposal writing. But, I am making plans now to leave this job through writing and alternative living arrangements besides home ownership.
Having to live close to my family – I will take this out and look at it with an objective eye. Other than a few people, I really don’t see that much of my other family except at birthday parties…which I am giving up completely. So, the idea that I have to live here is erroneous. I don’t see that much of the others due to our schedules, so I could visit them or they could visit me wherever I live.
Birthday parties – I spend way too much money on these (seems like we have two birthday parties every week-end), and am quitting the practice of giving everyone something monetary this year (I don’t even believe in that kind of consumerism!). I will try to make something of beauty for people, but if I can’t or don’t get the time, I will not feel guilty about it.
My negative feelings about my body – My body will respond to love greater than self-criticism. I do have a lovely body that has supported me through much in these 62 years, and for that I am grateful
Undervaluing Myself– This does not serve me in the least
Being the Selfless Mother – This does not serve either me or my kids. Being a loving mother who listens and offers helpful advice and help when possible and for the highest good for all concerned is acceptable, but I can not direct the course of my kids lives. I need to let them to work through their problems, using their own skills (which they do for the most part quite well…it is just my guilt that makes me think that I should always be jumping in there and trying to make things right for them).
Guilt – Ill serving 100 percent!
Time wasting – This must go…I have too much to accomplish in the next twenty years
Procrastinating – Goes along with time wasting. I am going to work diligently to do the things that I know must be done without waiting until the last minute…that causes undue stress in my life, and it is not good for my health.
Safety in the suburbs – This idea has to go…it is bullshit
Negative Head Talk
Victim Thinking
Eating out a lot
Catholicism/dogma – and the guilt, sinfulness, patriarchal spirituality, Big Cheese in the sky stuff that goes along with it
Being a “People Pleaser”
Aging fears – I’m getting older and into my elder years; that is a given…live it joyfully and gracefully as a Medicine Woman. It is living and loving fully each moment that matters…what lasts in the minds and hearts of others.
Staying indoors too much – Vow to get outside more in the coming years for my happiness and health
Living in my head too much – This has got to go!
Abandonment Issues – Working to shift direction of thinking from external to internal, self-love
D – Oh my…can’t believe D showed up. Let him go!
Resentments/Soap Opera View of Life

Things I put back into and choose to bear in my basket:

Maintain loving relationships – commitment to my children, family, close friends (some establish better boundaries with some), develop a wider circle of relations through volunteer work in the community and with the earth, water, air, animals
Caretaking of an elder friend– Help her granddaughters see through her aging and illness and help her transition into death
Healthy Lifestyle – This is something I want to commit to…exercise, fresh air, eating healthy foods, giving up coffee except one cup in the morning…Yoga and
Embracing Healthy Solitude in my life – I’m a relational person and do need people, but I need a level of solitude as well.
Honoring my natural rhythms – That means creating a certain amount of solitude, creative and relationship time – writing in the mornings, meditation, prayer, exercise, outside time, play and fun, volunteer work.
Moving through grief – I have been grieving the death of my husband and other losses in my life, and not enjoying my life as I normally do
Dream work
Need to find satisfying volunteer work – Satisfying, people centered work that I enjoy and can share with others – and hospital work at All Children’s Hospital…reading to the young children would be nice and something I’ve enjoyed in the past
Books/Reading – Yes and no. Always will keep books in my life, but will let go of using them to fill time.
Movies – Only a few (of the most meaningful and helpful)
Finish Culminating Project/Thesis – And turn it into a book!
Animá Path Mentoring – Love it so far.
Active in the “WomenBecoming” group – Yes, I’ve learned a lot from this group of women over the past six years, and have grown to love them.
The Synchronicity Forum – Still hosting for awhile, but I need to inform the group that I’ve turned it into a Creative Project, so they are off the hook for follow-up questionnaires and exit interviews
Sexuality – I hope to always express my sexuality healthily and with appropriate partners
Another relationship with a man – We’ll see…leaving it in the basket, but it will have to be the absolutely RIGHT relationship for me, and I’m not sure what that looks like at this time…no rush.
Need for Beauty – Yes. But it doesn’t have to be in the form of baubles…it can be the wild, something I’ve created, my lovely children and grandchildren, and acts of inner beauty.
Writing – That is one my joys and part of what I am committed to do
Stewardship of the land – I would like to learn this and take part in it with the folks at the Gila Canyon
Taking care of Casey (my dog) – It’s a contract to the end
Practicing Mindfulness – Have made a commitment to this in all areas of my life
Savoring life – Yes… and living on purpose with passion
Expressing my beliefs about US and Corporate Policies – Continue to send emails and letters to congress and companies like Monsanto to oppose war and other policies that are destroying the earth and peace on this planet
Charitable donations
Volunteering at Pet Pal Rescue
Grandmother Wisdom Sharing – with my own granddaughters and other young and adult women…dream sharing, synchronicity journaling, quilting, initiation and rituals around menses/motherhood/menopause and other transitional times in life
Self-love and Empowered Choice – Yes!
Telling the truth – even when it makes myself and others uncomfortable
Maintaining inner harmony – living with a feeling of well-being
Protecting my sacred space – maintaining healthy boundaries with family and friends
Nurture pleasures in life – swimming, dancing, music, art, quilting, playing
Sharing stories with others – for fun and healing
Forgiveness of self and others for mistakes of the past
Learn to trust my inner instincts and intuitions
Acknowledge my own and others feelings

I understand more fully since my Burden Basket ceremony how parts of my current lifestyle are in direct opposition to the harmonic lifestyle I alluded to in the beginning of this post, so those things had to be taken out of the basket… for instance, continuing to work merely for the cash.

I completed the ceremony as thoroughly as the time span would allow, but I now know that I could have devoted a much longer period of time to the process. I was just getting into the swing of it after two and a half days. Besides, I had waited so long to even look inside my basket that it had become laden with many things that no longer served my life. Now that I’ve experienced the Burden Basket ceremony, I know that it will never be done “once and for all.” It is a living part of me that is changing as I change and choose what I want to keep and what I want to discard in my life.

I have been thinking a lot about the process and trying to stay with the integrity of what I decided. The funny thing is that the birthday parties are currently the main issue…I really didn’t know how to tell my close, extended family that enough is enough. I’m not a “shopper” by nature, and we all have enough junk to last us a lifetime. So, I came up with a plan (right before the next b-day was to come up that week-end – as you can see, I have a LARGE extended family) to let everyone know that I will donate money to the birthday person’s favorite charity in their name (when and if that is feasible for me). That way, I get to make charitable donations to the organizations that need it and honor the person whose birthday it is. Luckily, my niece, whose birthday was the first birthday that came up after my decision, deferred to my judgment about where to donate. I got to choose Partners in Health – one of my Burden Basket choices to donate to for relief in Haiti – and give her something for her birthday in way that is in line with my own beliefs. I call that a win/win situation!

Thanks for sharing with me.

-Jenna

(To enroll in an Animá Lifeways or Herbal Correspondence Course, go to the Courses page of the website at www.animacenter.org)

Reflecting on All We’ve Learned This Year

by Resolute

(www.animacenter.org)

Intro: We are only a couple weeks away from New Years, a time when we traditionally turn from any hardships past and look ahead to the future, making resolutions for the coming seasons featuring positive changes we hope to implement.  Before we do, however, I suggest we first look back over the year’s strengthening struggles and satisfying events, taking inventory of our efforts and accomplishments, taking credit for the hard lessons learned, noticing and reveling in our new-found realizations and convictions, reveling in the richness of deepened experience, feeling the satisfaction of courageous changes – no matter how seemingly small – in our awakening lives.  Perhaps like our ever more beautifully expressive student, Resolute, you will take the time to take note of what you have gone through and gotten, and even consider sharing it here.  -Wolf

As Winter Solstice comes around this year, I am drawn to reflect on the time I have spent with my Anima studies.  It’s been two years of stretching beyond the constraints of civilization, a time of rewilding, even as I reside in a major metropolitan area.

Soon I will be meeting with my Women’s Wisdom Group to reflect on the wheel of the year just past, and contemplate the one so fast approaching.  I recall jotting down my desire for 2007.  What I wanted most back then was to know for certain that it was OK for me to take up room in the world.

Since then, I have learned that there is more to who I am than I ever knew was there.  I am a capable, loveable, radiant, joyful, and feeling woman.

I have not turned away from the tough, uncomfortable questions posed in my lessons, both the written ones and the ones in the natural world, and learned that I am the stronger for practicing radical honesty.  I have learned that when I try, I often succeed.  And that it is OK to fail.  And try again. And laugh and cry, and sing and sigh.

I have learned to reach out and touch the plants, because when I do, they get to touch me back!  I have learned why pine needles are so named, and that Larrea is great for bloody fingers.  I have learned what velvet is by caressing flower petals.

I have learned to stay out in the cold and experience rosy cheeks and a chilly nose. To love the spring rain’s tingle on my face, its drenching trails down my back. To feel the sultry summer sun soaking into my wide flung arms and open body. To sink into the mustiness of autumn holding its breath before the promise of winter and time again to be quiet, with the fast return of the darkness.

I have learned just how far our little plot of land will go to heal itself when not manicured and managed, with the volunteer restorative plants moving in.  I have learned about the interconnectedness of our ecosystem, what harms and what helps.

I have learned how long it takes for a baby sparrow to hatch and grow and venture forth from the nest.

My awareness is expanding daily, to include flora and fauna along the highway.  Who else around me, I wonder, considers the lives being lived just beyond our vision?  What tenacity, adaptability the natural world has, to survive and thrive even alongside the smothering concrete on which so many of us engage in high speed pinball on our way to someplace else.  And oh! how the seeds imprisoned below me wish to be freed to the sunlight once again!

I have learned to carry the Earth’s pain, and thus have been privileged to share in her ecstasy despite her distress, and mine, when I consider what an invasive species humans are.

I have learned to be available to others with encouragement and hard words, in turn, while still allowing them to make their own decisions.   I have sensed them become quiet in their spirits after frantic worry has spun them round and round. I have seen them consider possibilities they had not before realized were available.

I have learned how to see each moment as a decisive moment.  I have come to know in my bones that no choice I make is inconsequential nor can it be made in isolation from the greater whole.

So, what have I learned?  I have learned to look to the natural world for my daily lessons and have regained my connection with the Earth, the Anima, living in reciprocity.  And I know for certain that it is OK for me to take up room in the world because I have found my place, my space, my-self.

(by all means… please share this inspiration widely)

For those of you interested in, able to hear in a positive light, and perhaps able to be inspired by Animá student Ananda’s swearing off of holidays, will be furthered moved to read the actual beautiful letter that she composed for her family and friends, copied below.  It made us cry, frankly, so deeply felt it was, so honest and self-protective.  For those unsure about rote continuation of the holidays, this should feel mighty affirming.  For the rest of you, may it stir gratitude for how good, and real and healthy you have it.  We are proud of the usually very private Ananda, for being willing to risk exposure sharing this with you.  And for acting on her needs when she wondered if she could do this, and mentor Kiva first wrote back “Why not?”

-Wolf

Dearest Family and Friends,

Please don’t read this letter in a hurry. Make some tea and sit comfortably.

I’m writing to you from a vulnerable place, yet courageous and trusting that you, as my kin and kindred, can hold me in compassion.

Some of you know that I suffer each year from seasonal affective disorder. This means that when the leaves, green, flowers and warmth hide for the winter, with it goes any capacity for me to feel happiness, security, or hope. It is not something I have very much control over, however each year I learn something more about how it lives and dances in me, and I glean a little more insight on how to best care for myself. When it sets in, there are no ways out besides time. I often cannot function; speak, communicate, think ahead, or conduct daily tasks that require any effort. Some of the time I resort to anger and cast shadows of resentment and temper across my home.

For my family closest to me; my children, my husband, my parents, and my close friends, I feel a sense of remorse around times in the past when I have abandoned you while tending to my darkness. Please always know that you have not wronged me.

Part of my hopelessness derives from a long time of not being able to accrue financial security. I realize that I am responsible for my choices and that having a family prior to career security is part of this equation. However, choosing to spend all of the tiny monies that I have every year to uphold a Christmas standard has chaffed a chronic wound to an unbearable laceration.

It is time for me, in my life, to examine my truth, my values, and authenticity, regardless of anybody. For me, this means that when the darkness of winter falls, I will not resist the rhythm of going within; of storing what nutrition, energy, money, and time I have in my roots, for the nourishment and sustaining of my very being. This is my truth. Holidays are not my truth. I am not Christian, I do not believe in Santa Clause, and I do not believe in excessive gift giving one day a year out of obligation. Every single day of the year is equally wholly and deserving of celebration.

I do however believe that familial love is like no other. It is sacred, a gift and a teacher. I do believe in the sacredness of our food, our time together, our prayers together, and long sweet hugs. I believe in generosity when the heart feels overflowing – on any given afternoon of any season – and like the moment a leaf falls from a tree, there is not another moment it will be expressed like that again. That is the moment I give a gift. When I give this way, the love transferred is multiplied exponentially. When I give out of obligation, expectation, and financial devastation, I elicit weeks of impenetrable depression.

Out of love and truth, please accept my decision to forego all holiday festivities that are beyond my capacity. I will not be participating beyond a small gift for each of my loved ones, and my presence. I will not participate in light seeing, as it is against my devotion to my Mother Earth. I will not participate in Christmas trees or their decoration. And I will not participate in caroling of any sort, as these songs are not my own faith. I will be present during our gatherings because time together is special to me. I will participate in our foods, laughter, and prayers of gratitude, and I will witness other’s truths and joy with an open heart.

My only request in return, is that you please not present me with gifts beyond something very small and preferably handmade or an offer of time. Feeling inadequate and imbalanced exchanges makes me feel very upset. What is really a gift for me is learning. Time spent with you, learning something you can teach or show me is the most valuable thing you can possibly give to me or my family, even if it must be planned months in advance. Even if to some of you this comes as a surprise given my withdrawing, hermit-like nature.

My children can make their own decisions. I will allow them a small ration of money and they can negotiate what is true for them. This may be a painful and bumpy growth period for them, yet I know they are ready.

To my children: I love you beyond any words, any action, and any declaration. I love you beyond anything a holiday could ever mean. My gift to you, in this life, is the gift of personal freedom; to make both simple and hard choices from a deep place of knowing inside yourself. That is why I take my answers unto myself, and leave you to find your own.

To my compassionate husband: I am filled with gratitude.

In divine love,

Ananda

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pic (c) 2009 Ananda Wilson, all rights reserved.

Holidays are a time when everyone tries to put on a happy face even if they are sad or alienated… which many are, judging by the spike in cases of depression and even suicide during these meant to be lovely times.  It was therefore refreshing to read the following from Animá student Ananda, explaining to her friends and family that she is resolving to avoid official holidays.  This is incredibly healthy considering the stress these culturally obligatory events cause her, and at least a temporary Holiday Moratorium could be useful for everyone at some point… if only to determine what is superficial and habitual as opposed to what is truly meaningful tradition, what holidays or aspects drain or sadden us and which feed our spirits or contribute to our personal, familial and social wholeness.  This way we can focus on days and happenings that mean the most to us,  from anniversaries to celebrations of accomplishments and the natural cycles and seasons.  And if we chose to return to the celebration of any of the typical national holidays, it would be on our own terms, significant and heartfelt, healthy and satisfying for all concerned.   -Wolf

Holiday Moratorium

by Ananda

As part of my truth-honoring work I have decided to forgo all holidays, starting now, for the next year. Holidays are deeply disempowering to me and probably to those who are subject to my incessant complaining thereof. (You have heard me!) I will be writing a caring and clear letter to all whom this will affect in my life.

Just the thought of being freed of these traps of holiday obligation feels wonderful, I can’t explain! I *might* even be able to see winter for what it really is. I look forward to smelling the air untainted with shame and financial agony. I look forward to pointing out to myself that any day is magnificent enough to be a sacred day of magic, love, or  mystery. While I don’t condemn those who adore the holidays, I also think it, for many, is a crutch and excuse for not honoring the sacredness of everyday aliveness. I also find it disturbing that so many people only celebrate these holidays out of obligation – that is a sad state of being and wish not to condone that.

So…. I’m taking one step closer to my truth, NO HOLIDAYS that I do not deeply resonate with, create myself, or recognize as naturally occurring, which obviously requires nothing of me otherwise!

(Check out Ananda’s inspiring, personal and herbal blog Plant Journeys)

Intro: The following is the latest contribution by our astute student and sole Apprentice, a beautifully written tale of her continuing empowerment, with the sharing itself an act of courage for this long secretive owl woman.

The Lesson of the Bees
From Fear to Awareness, Respect & Wonder

By Resolute Michaels

“Fear can excite new ways of dealing with danger.  In addition, it can be the means for exposing imaginary threats, casting light on their true roots, and thereby on their solution.  In these ways fear can be both our teacher, and an agent of our healing.”
-Jesse Wolf Hardin

When did it start?  Was it when I stepped on an unfortunate bee who was blissfully gathering nectar as I bounded in my three year old exuberance toward our kiddie pool?  Or on the rare foray our family took into the groomed parks?  Perhaps while studying about the Africanized bees, my fear growing with each report of their aggressive behavior and expanding territory?  And who knows why my growing terror of all of life centered on the bees, yet by adulthood, my phobia had taken on mythic proportions.  Family and friends alike knew the pain of my clutching hands as well as my shrill shriek whenever any unlucky bee or wasp ventured into my vicinity, these others rushing to rescue me from the imagined danger into which I had locked myself.  As the years went by, I was more and more bound to screened-in areas, even though those did not even feel safe.

“The empowered feel fear – the disempowered, terror.” -JWH

Fear.  The one emotion I thought I understood, during the time I fled my body in an effort to cope, only to later learn that it was terror that I felt.  By the time I reached the Canyon for the first time, I had made an uneasy truce with the bees, pushing away my terror and forcing myself to move through my life by sheer grit.  Rather, what I needed, I would learn, was to become deeply sensate and sensitive to the world around me.

The Canyon provided just such an opportunity.  I was necessarily walking out into the world.  And it was in the Canyon that I was stung for the first time since childhood, surprised that the anticipated death did not follow.  Curiously exploring the sensation and learning to accept gentle care in the healing process.

“When we deny our fear, it owns us.  When we embrace our fear, we own it.  When we own our fear, is when it becomes a tool for transformation.” -JWH

On a subsequent visit to the Canyon, I was downriver, practicing embracing my fear.  I was keeping distance from the fields of bee flower, standing tall on their stalks, alive with the incredibly sweet hum of honeybees and the kaleidoscope of butterfly color, when I felt inexorably drawn to the scene, and soon found myself in the midst of the shoulder high purple, the butterflies, the bees, the song!  To my delight, the bees, intent on their gathering, didn’t seem to mind my presence.  In fact, they judiciously ignored me! During my slow amble between the flowers, accompanying the bees and the butterflies who were also honoring the vibrant life of the flowers, a magical transformation took place, that of terror shifting into respect, and a new understanding of fear.

“There are things to be afraid of.  But we should fear our trepidation most of all.” - JWH

I have carried the magic of that experience with me as I have allowed the Anima to fully encircle and then fill me.  So, when this past summer, I was floating down the river, again supported in some of the deepest caring I have ever known, how delightful to hear the bee song so close!  I opened my eyes to the glory of Yellow BeeSweet and in that moment, learned the lesson that the bees had been singing to me.  There is danger and pain in life, and that is enhanced when I am unaware and hapless, yet when I open my awareness to the world, there is incredible sweetness – the yellow of the honeybees as warming as the honey they make and of which I partake.  And as I walked back to the lodge along the shimmering cliffs, it was as if I was seeing the Canyon for the first time, as it seemed to whisper its secrets to me.

I have blossomed as a flower, calling the bees into my heart and center, and I have developed an affinity with them, the lessons they share and the connection to the greater Earth and Anima.  I look back over the summer, and recall wildcrafting BeeSweet, moving from bush to bush with the bees traveling with me.  I sought them out in my yard for conversation and for thanksgiving.  I shared a salmon meal with the yellow jackets, providing them their own portion beside me that they truly politely consumed as we sat together in the grass.

“Courage is born of willingness to feel, and matures to the degree that we learn to act on those feelings.” -JWH

It is Fall as I write this, and the cold nights have sent the bees in search of their winter shelter.  I feel in myself a harvest of deep feelings and a world of wonder. Rather than being released as from an indoor prison, yet still imprisoned in all my fears, I am instead outside, wistfully noting the absence of my little teachers, and discerning subtle changes in the seasons I have missed for so long.   Now I have a life rich in experience throughout the Fall and Winter, and I will welcome the promise of Spring, hearing again the bees sing, and embracing the lesson of the bees always.

(share and post freely—www.animacenter.org)

 (Note from Wolf: The following is a letter we thought you’d enjoy reading, by Shaman Path Intensive participant Henry.  I sensed and felt good about his energy and huge heart as soon as he came into the Canyon, and we were all impressed with his gentle but energetic tending of whatever needed doing that weekend.  He is the epitome of the word caretaker, meaning to care about, and take care of, that which matters most… land, a relationship, a project or cause.  What I believe he discovered here was the degree to which he had long been doing this laudable service, the importance of focusing his efforts and not mis-allocating them, the possibility of making it wholly conscious, deliberate, purposeful and directed.  “Am I out of mind doing this?,” he wondered.  Yes, out of the tape loops of self doubt and the habits that bind… and into your self in a clear, present, active, focused and beautiful way.  We’re hoping Henry will be able to assist Resolute with some of the logistical efforts around the 2010 Traditions in Western Herbalism Conference, and welcome his help as well as the opportunity to continue helping him.)

I recently “found” and made contact with the Animá Learning Center, and attended my first-ever event, all of which occurred within less than a month.  Considering my current nomadic state of disconnectedness from modern technological society, the circumstances surrounding my last-minute decision to attend the July Shaman’s Path Intensive weekend were, in my opinion, nothing less than miraculous, far too many “coincidences” to review here.  However, my personal journey that brought me to the canyon began many years ago.  For the past 10-years, since I took the proverbial leap leaving life as I had known it for 58 years behind, I have felt adrift, looking for my path, my higher purpose, asking many questions of the universe, looking for answers.  And although during these years many questions have been answered, the most burning of my life’s, or better yet my path‘s questions seemed to remain unanswered, or so I thought.

There was no question that the decision to attend was right, but the angst and confusion that I think we all experience, the WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!, was with me all along, even as I drove the last few miles from the town of Reserve, even as I began the last 1½ mile walk to the Sanctuary.  And somewhere during that walk, probably past the second or third river crossing, my shoes came off and most of the angst disappeared as the canyon, the river, and ALL of creation welcomed me, and I knew that this was where I was supposed to be.  I was welcome.  I was safe.  I was home!

I arrived 1-day early to give myself time to settle in a bit.  After finding my campsite and setting up camp, I began to explore the canyon.  And immediately, upon officially meeting the river of the canyon, I was beckoned by the river to come and play, in what turned out to be a formal welcome and cleansing.  From that moment it was clear that my being here was no mistake, and I knew that spirit knew what it was doing.  As if there is ever any question that spirit knows what it’s doing.

As the weekend evolved there were many opportunities for introspection and spiritual movement.  It didn’t matter where I was, who I was with, or what I was doing.  Each time I was with one of my fellow students or one of our hosts, we became teachers for each other and questions were answered and guidance given.  I felt compelled to take off my shoes and get to know the earth more intimately.  I walked barefoot for much of my week in the canyon.  I danced with the wind.  I was cleansed by the river.  I was warmed and cleansed by the fire, and nurtured by the mother herself.  I was healed by the primordial sounds created by Wolf’s drumming.  I was beckoned to sit down in the dry creek bed and just be, and fall asleep, something previously unthinkable.  I melted into that gravely wash as if wrapped in the softest bedding.  The ancient volcanic rocks lining the dry wash called to me to come sit and visit, and together we sang and shared stories.  The trees, the flowers, the herbs, the birds, all available, all welcoming, and very excited to be recognized and to have their stories heard.

During my week in the canyon in July, and upon my return to this other place commonly referred to as “the real world?”, my life, my value, my gifts have been unquestionably validated again-and-again.  The so-called confusion surrounding my path and my higher purpose has mostly evaporated.  Turns out I had a better sense of purpose than I could see.  I just needed to get away from the mundane, and into a more nurturing environment to help me see myself more clearly.

I ended my canyon week with a personal counsel session with Wolf.  It was during this session that the true nature of my reconnection with our mother became apparent.  I shared with Wolf the incredible impact the land, and particularly the river, had on me.  My daily cleansing and healing bath in the river was so impactful that I cried as I told Wolf that I wanted to do whatever it took to find places to bathe in unfettered waters.  Wolf spoke of my challenges being relationship and commitment.  Wolf, you’ll be happy to know that with the exception of a few days in the city where I truly had no option, I have sought out and found free-flowing waters, rivers, streams, and ditches, lakes and ponds, to continue my daily ritual of reconnecting and reaffirming my relationship with my home, and my commitment to my self to continue seeking.

To my new found family, Wolf, Loba, Kiva, Rhiannon, I say thank you.  Thank you for your intuitive spirits.  For knowing and trusting the process.  For tending and caring for such an incredibly sacred piece of land, and for making it available to the vulnerable spirits of those like me who come looking for answers and guidance.  For sharing ALL of your gifts, ALL of the time.  Individually and together you provide magic the likes of which our vulnerable world needs so much more of.  I love you, and I’ll see you again.