I feel that we don’t necessarily have to suffer to learn our lessons ~ but feeling frustrated is such a burden.

I have always blamed my environment as contributing to my malaise – always seeking “Home” in finding the perfect town. What part of the country do you live in? Perhaps the artifice of Florida environment leaves that emptiness, since there are not that many like minded souls here (or that I have been able to connect with)

Thanks so much for your generous words, Jane ~ will read them over and over again!

Namaste,
Juni

Your honest words and anguished yearning touched me deeply, because they resonate strongly with my own desperate journey to discover/uncover “What am I supposed to *do*?” This was a frenzied anguished searching and seeking for years–that anguished knowledge that there was something I couldn’t pull together in myself, something I didn’t see or understand that enable me to take up the mantle of my own nature and just *BE* that person in the world, in my fullness of purpose and service. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just be a writer (my ambition as a youth) or a musician (I was and am a professional harper) or a Reiki practitioner … or whatever! Any one thing i enjoyed wasn’t ME, but a ribbon in the weave.

Our purpose is around us wherever we are–the world, the stories we love, the images that dance compellingly in our mind and flit away as impossibilities in this culture, this time–are our soul calling, this way, this way! The dream of our truest nature is woven in our hearts and playing out in the things we notice, in our most wistful imaginings … *and* they (in my experience) are tantalizing. You may be able to pin it down and say, ‘of course–this is who I am, must be!’ and feel that this is IT. Or … it may be a facet of yourself, or yourself at this time. We are in process through our lives, and as Wolf pointed out, our understanding and expression with change.

So, we continue with our Inner tracking, using all our senses and the gentleness we can muster, and the perseverance to discern the shape, scent, feel of who we are at heart, as we would in tracking a shy animal. Learn what she loves, where she most likes to find herself, the textures, the tastes. And find the places in story where she hides. What you notice in a tale reveals something of who you are, where you are in your life right now.

I can tell you from my own experience that a time can come when you can say. “Yes.” I don’t have the definitive answer, but it is enough. I choose to take action from this place. (as Wolf so clealy suggests)I claim it for myself, and where the mantle lightly so that I can continue to grow and shift as the world reveals more of what I’m here to do, who or what I’m here to serve. When you listen and observe and persevere, the world, the Universe can’t help but mirror and offer back to you what you need.

Blessings to you on your journey, Juni — and all of you who are in this wilderness. Find something to love about where you are. As an elder once said (words I took deep comfort from at the time): our tears reveal that we are in vision. When you weep at words you read or hear that touch you deeply, or in other circumstances, do pay attention to those moments. They reveal what lies hidden in the heart of you–your own nature–where the beauty lies and the wounding. Remember, our deepest wounds often lead us to our greatest gifts ….

Jane

Wolf, your saying these things (“Do what your hear implores and your world seems to need. Like the child’s search and find game of “warmer, warmer,” continually adjust your course towards what feels most helpful and healthful. When it feels “cold,” distracting, disempowering, soulless, move away from it… and in this way find you are ever more on the path of your wholeness and wholest giving. Purpose is not a destination, it is a process that is never complete yet always fulfilling. I hope this helps.”) helps me tremendously, too. Thank you for the analogy.